Tired
by Very Special Agent Dinozzo
Summary: What happens when Tonys had enough?   WARNING : possible character death
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my first fanfic! I hope you like it, thanks for reading.**

Disclaimer : I don't own NCIS or the charaters, cause if i did, Tony would be miiiiiiiiine.

**Oh yea, and i wrote this on a whim. So any mistakes are mine, if you see any feel free to let me know !**

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Anthony Dinozzo unlocked his apartment door and stepped inside. The stale air and dark rooms showing no signs of life. Taking off his coat and throwing his keys to the side, Tony walked into his living, taking note of the dusty TV, and the even worse coffee table. Lying down on the couch he took a moment to just rest. It had been a long case, one that kept him so busy that he never left the office, which included not coming home. Not that he cared a lot about that. He never really liked coming home anyways, it always reminded him of how alone he always seemed to be. Sighing and brushing a hand over his face, Tony got up and walked over the fridge, not because he was hungry, but because the busier he kept himself the less likely the demons were to cloud his brain.

Opening the door and taking note of what was inside, Tony sighed again. The only things taking up residence in his fridge at the moment were an old sandwich, and an even older box of Chinese food. Closing the door and walking back into the living room, Tony took a seat on the couch once more. He was exhausted, almost to the point of just passing out right then and there. "That is what working 6 days straight without a break does to you Anthony," Tony imagined what Ducky would say. 'That is saying though, that Ducky would even notice' Tony thought to himself sadly. He couldn't stop thinking about the case, and how no matter what he did, or who he talked to, they always seemed to belittle him, talking to him like he was stupid. McGee always acting like he was better then him, just because he knew more about computers, and Ziva, just repeatedly telling him that he wasn't Gibbs, that he should stop acting like him. Letting him know that he was never going to be like Gibbs. He was tired of always hearing that, he knew he wasn't Gibbs, he knew that he wasn't as good as Gibbs, Hell he even knew at that at some points in a case he wasn't as good as McGee. But just for once he would like to be recognized properly for something he did!

"Maybe they don't think you're good enough Anthony." Tony thought to himself. "Maybe you really aren't worth it." The more he kept thinking about it, the more he started to believe it. Sure, he'd heard it plenty of times before. From his partners in Philly and Peoria, and even from his Chief in Baltimore, never really taking it to heart, knowing that he was just going to leave in a couple months, leaving that hell hole behind and moving on to another. Once or twice he even thought about using his gun, even getting to the point of putting it against his head. Never pulling the trigger. But tonight the demons were winning the battle and Tony could stop his mind from getting wrapped up in everything. His mind travelled from thoughts of his father, who repeatedly told him that he was never going to amount to anything in his life, to Gibbs, the man he looked up too, the man that he saw as a father. Telling him "You'll do" when he left for Mexico, leaving him behind. Then having him just show up again and dump him back to SFA like a ton of bricks. Tony felt so betrayed when Gibbs left, then to just have him show up and take his spot back like nothing? He really didn't deserve that. He knew that but he let it happen anyways trusting Gibbs. Then when the whole undercover assignment blew up on his face, Gibbs looked like he felt betrayed by Tony!

He was sick and tired, sick of people treating him like crap, people that he saw like family. And he was tired of everything, of people killing people, of people he loved dieing or leaving and he was tired of having to get up every morning, just to go into work to face all the torment and anger over and over again.

He was tired of holding the mask in place too. For once he would just like to be himself. Let everyone see what they're doing to them. But that's not something that they would care for so he just keeps the mask on. Hiding behind it at work. Letting it come off at night when he gets home.

But tonight, tonight is that night that he's done, done listening to insults and done trying to hide everything. The pain showing on his face, Tony got up and walked over to the side table near the door, reaching for his gun he grabbed it and slide against the wall down to the floor. He stared at it in his hands, feeling the weight of it and enjoying it. It made him feel safe, holding the gun, like no matter what could come at him he could always save himself. He put the barrel against his head, feeling the cool metal as it pressed against his skull. Knowing that what he wanted to do could set him free, make the pain he feels everyday subside and basically disappear all together. The pain, which before he came home was small has now grown and basically has taken over, he feels nothing but pain, pain for all the mistakes he's made and all the people he will miss, wondering if they will even care enough to miss him. Taking a deep breathe to calm himself, Tony presses the tip of the gun deeper into his head. He laughs, thinking about his father and how he probably will never care that his son is gone. If he even ever hears about it. Finally, he takes the last deep breathe of his life, blowing out the air, Tony starts to put pressure on the trigger.

"Tony, STOP."

He looks up into the eyes of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, realizing that he must have been in deep thought not to have heard Gibbs come through the door.

"What are you doing, Tony?" Gibbs looks at him, sadness evident in his eyes.

"What I should have done a long time ago." Tony looks up at Gibbs with tears in his eyes.

"Why?"

"Because… because, I can't take this anymore." Tony lowered his head.

"Look, we can talk about it! Think about all the people you're going to hurt by pulling the trigger." Gibbs knelt down beside him.

"Please! Why are you acting like you care!" sarcasm obvious in his voice. "You really couldn't care less, but I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of hurting, and I'm tired of this world."

With the final word Tony raised the barrel back to his head.

"Good-bye Boss."

The last sound that was heard was a gunshot

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**Thanks for reading ! **

**Reviews are appericated, One question though, I do have an idea for a second chapter, should i keep going? Any thoughts are welcomed.**

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews and alerts. It mean alot. I really glad you're all enjoying this.  
So i decided to not make the story a one-shot. I hope you like this chapter. I'll try to update as soon as possible.  
Once again all mistakes are mine. I didn't have time to read over the story, I'm about to head to soccer. Sorry about that.  
Let me know if you see any ! **

**Thanks, :)**

Disclaimer: I Own nothing of NCIS or the characters. Just Typing that makes me sad :(

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Jumping like a flash of lightning, Gibbs pushed the gun away from Tony's head, just in time too, as a shot went off. Grab the gun from Tony's hand Gibbs took it and put it in his belt. All Tony could do was look up into the deeply saddened eyes of his boss. He didn't feel the tears until they were there but once they started running down his face they wouldn't stop. He couldn't keep the charade up anymore, the moment he put the gun to his head the mask broke. Revealing every detail that Tony had been trying to hide. Before Tony could say anything Gibbs sat down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Tony, what were you thinking?" Gibbs turned to look at him.

"I told you what I was thinking boss," Tony buried his head into his hands. "I really can't take this anymore. You really have no idea what's going on with your own team anymore do you? What happened to the famous Leroy Jethro Gibbs gut?"

"Is it really bad enough that you'd think about killing yourself?" Tony though he saw a look of hurt in Gibb's eyes but it was gone too quickly. "You know you can come to me about anything, why didn't you?"

"Because, maybe it's just me, but it really doesn't seem like you care anymore." Tony looked Gibbs in the eyes. "I tried talking to you the other day, all you said was to get back to work."

"Dammit Dinozzo, how was I supposed to know that you were this upset?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm better at hiding it then I thought, but I thought you of all people might notice that something was wrong." He looked down at the floorboards. "Why are you even here? What happened with the date you had with your boat and some bourbon?"

"My gut was telling me something was wrong with you, I felt that I should come over and see that you were okay, but what do I see when I walk in the door?" Gibbs stood up. "You, holding a gun to you're head."

"You weren't supposed to see it." Tony glanced up at Gibbs. "If I had known you were coming over I would have done it a lot quicker." Tony finished the sentence with an icy tone.

"Dinozzo! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you honestly think I don't care about you? That if I walked through the door _after_ you had blown your brains out that I wouldn't have been upset?" Gibbs face held a horrified expression.

Tony stood up and walked to the couch. He was starting to realize what he had almost done. "If Gibbs hadn't walked through the door, you'd be dead right now." He thought to himself. "Yea, and you'd probably be in better place." The thoughts kept running through his mind the pro's and con's of killing himself. He couldn't believe that his mind would even think like that. He sat down, put his head between his hands and sighed. This night was just getting worse, how was he going to explain this all to Gibbs? That meant taking of the already broken mask and exposing himself. He took another deep breathe.

"Look boss, it's not as simple as it seems."

"Yea and how's that Dinozzo?" Gibbs walked over to the chair and sat down, when he saw how serious Tony was being he changed his tone. "Tony, look you can tell me anything, what's on your mind?"

"Well, where do I start? What about when you left the team? Just decided to get up and leave, I forgave you for that, but did I ever hear a thank you? A good job Anthony? No all I got was my stuffed dumped on my desk and looks from the other team members, happy looks, knowing that I wasn't going to be the leader anymore." Tony took a breathe. "I had to hear basically everyday from McGee, Ziva, Abby and Ducky about how I wasn't you, that as team leader I should stop acting like you. And everyday multiple times I heard them saying how much they missed you! Do you know how hard that was to deal with? I hated it, but I wouldn't let the team get split up so I stayed ! Did you also know that at more then one point I heard McGee say that I didn't deserve my own team, or to be team leader?" Tony suddenly became quiet. "I was treated with so much disrespect, but I took it, because they needed me too."

"Tony, I…I had no idea." Gibbs was startled, he really did have no idea what was going on it that had happened.

"Yea, that wasn't a cake walk, but life usually isn't is it? Especially mine, and I'm so tired of having to deal with it everyday, having to hide the real Anthony Dinozzo, because who I really am, no expects it from me. They all want the play-boy goof-ball. And I'm done Gibbs, I'm done, tomorrow I'm handing in my resignation." Tony stood up and left the room. Leaving his gaping boss behind.

**Gibbs POV**

He couldn't believe what he had just heard, what he really that clueless about his senior field agent? This past week had been hard on everyone, but obviously Tony had taken it the worst. He knew that things had been tough for Dinozzo when he had left for Mexico, hell he knew it had been tough on everyone. But what he really had no clue about was how the aftermath of it all had effected Tony. He felt horrible, of course he would never admit to it, but hearing the words coming out of his SFA's mouth he really could process it all. He had heard that his team had done well without him, not dropping a single percent in the closer rate. But he really had no idea what the team put Tony through.

Not only was he furious with himself but the others too. Tony was they're boss at one point, he deserved they're respect too. After processing everything Gibbs started to get a dreaded feeling in his stomach. How bad was Tony? Why hadn't he noticed early, thinking back Gibbs remembered that for the past few weeks Tony hadn't been acting like himself. Quieter then usually and not joking around as much. But he blamed it on the case at the time. Gibbs remembered at one point looking into Tony's eyes and seeing sadness in them, mental head slapping himself Gibbs realised he should have said something then, when he hadn't been to late. The horrible feeling it felt early intensified. Tony said he was going to resign. Gibbs had a to find a way to get him to rethink what he was about to do, and fast. Before it was really to late and there was no going back. Grabbing his phone, Gibbs dialled 4 numbers one after the other.

"Meeting NOW, my place. You either show up, or don't bother coming to work Monday." Gibbs closed the phone.

Getting up to leave, Gibbs wrote a note on a piece of paper and left it by the door.

_I'll be back later. I want to hear EVERYTHING. _

_I promise you won't be the only one talking._

_- Gibbs _

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**I hope you enjoyed it !**

**oh, and if anyone is interested in Betaing the story, Message me ! LOL.**

**Reviews are welcomed. **

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	3. Chapter 3

**Bonjour! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Once again writing it before I'm about to go out. :P**

**Many thanks to everyone the reviews. It makes me so much more motivated to write. (Not that im not already :] )**

**And any mistakes are mine, Sorry about them, hopefully next time I'll get to read everything over before i let you guys see it. **

**Anywaaaaays, ENJOY! :)**

Disclaimer: I Don't Own NCIS or the characters. Sadly :(

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**GIBBS POV**

As soon as Gibbs closed the door he realized his mistake, he couldn't just leave Tony alone again! Cursing at his idiocy he took out his key and opened the door again. He walked towards Tony's bedroom door and knocked. Hearing no reply he quietly opened the door.

"Dinozzo?"

"I thought you would have left by now." Tony replied icily.

"And leave you alone now? I think not."

"You really should have because I'm definitely not talking to you." Tony stood up from his bed and walked into the bathroom. Closing the door behind him. "I'm going to have a shower. You really don't need to baby-sit me Gibbs. I think I can manage." The sting in Tony's word obvious to Gibbs ears.

With Tony in the bathroom, and the shower running Gibbs grabbed his phone and called Ducky. "I need you over a Dinozzo's place now."

With a quick reply, he closed the phone. He knew that leaving Dinozzo now wasn't a good idea. But he really needed to talk to the team. Walking over to the bathroom door, Gibbs quietly opened it and listened. Over the running water he could hear Tony mumbling to himself.

"Ungrateful people. They act like I don't matter, wait until I'm really gone. What are they going to do then?"

Leaving the door slightly ajar Gibbs walked over and sat down on Ton's bed. He had so many emotions running through his mind. Anger, for not being able to tell what was wrong with Tony, Denial, he really couldn't believe that Tony almost killed himself. But most importantly disappointment, his team was supposed to be like family.

How could they treat Tony like he didn't matter? Did they really not know that all of his jokes were just a mask? That the fake smile on his face was a diversion away from his really emotions. Rubbing his hands over his face Gibbs heard a knock at the door. Quickly standing up he walked over and open it.

"Duck, thanks for coming listen, I don't have a lot of time to talk because I'm supposed to go meet with the team," He took a deep breathe. "Short version of the story, Dinozzo tried to take his life. I need you to watch over him tell I can come back and speak with him."

With a quick acceptance from Ducky Gibbs basically ran out the door with one thought on his mind. Making his team realize their mistakes.

TONYS POV

The hot water running down his face seemed to have a calming effect on his tense muscles. Relaxing every part of his body, Tony's mind started to wonder again. How would the team feel with him leaving? He started to imagine them all upset over his resignation, but then he remembered everything they'd done to him. He realized something at that moment. This was one of the few time he felt really alone in his life. No one to talk to, no one to lean on and just sit with.

The first time he felt like this was when his mom died. With his father off doing who knows what, he was alone. Sure the nannies were there, but it really was never the same. He wanted the love from his father, his only living parent. And what did he get? Ignored and left behind. He absolutely hated this feeling. It made him re-live his past and that just made him angrier. With no energy left Tony slide down to a sitting position in the bathtub.

Thoughts of being alone for the rest of his life kept running across his brain. Him leaving Washington and being alone, his staying in Washington and still feeling the same way. It really seemed like the rest of his team felt like they were a family and he was just the outsider. In his opinion that was just wrong. Tony had been there longer then basically anyone. Except Abby and Ducky. Longer then Ziva and McGee, hell he basically trained McGee to be who he is and this is how he gets repaid? Being kicked around by the two of them like a sack of potatoes.

He laughed, a sarcastic laugh, that to anyone else probably sounded a little crazy. He didn't care. He was done. Tomorrow, he was going to leave. If not this planet then this city. He wasn't going to care about the selfish people anymore.

**GIBBS POV **

Gibbs was sitting on his couch facing the other 3 people he called family. Abby looked nervous, having never being called to Gibbs house like this before. McGee, he looked well like he usually did when he was faced with an angry Gibbs, scared. Then there was Ziva, who just looked right into Gibb's eyes like she didn't have a care in the world. That look just sent him over the edge.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?"

None of them expecting that type of outburst began trying to forma sentence. "Um…. I…I….wh-"

"From what I hear you guys have been very disrespectful to Dinozzo."

"So he finally decided to tell on us." McGee turned to Ziva.

"That makes him a tattle tale, yes?" Ziva looked at McGee, they both started laughing.

Abby just sat there, knowing that what Gibbs was saying was no joke.

"NO, you idiots, he tried to blow his brains out earlier today!" Gibbs glared.

McGee and Ziva turned to Gibbs shocked. They couldn't believe that Tony would even attempt that. Abby started to cry.

"Bo-boss we had no ide-" McGee started.

"Yea of course you didn't ! When you two were busy laughing, Tony was trying to hide the fact that you had hurt him." Gibbs then turned to Abby. "And I know you never really made fun of him, but everyday he had to go down to your lab with my pictures on the monitors and hear you talk about me. Not only that but you keep comparing him to me! And don't act like you haven't because I've heard you! Abby, why?"

All three were shell-shocked. Had it really been as bad as Gibbs was saying? They felt horrible. Why would Tony ever try to kill himself, did he not know they were there for him?

"Starting tomorrow, I want each of you to go and talk to him. Figure it out. Because if you don't we might not have Dinozzo for much longer." With that last statement Gibbs got up and opened his basement door. Slamming it as he closed it. Leaving 3 very upset and surprised people in his wake.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**Sorry if it was boring, i just felt this chapter was need to move on to the next point, McGee, Ziva, Abby and Ducky having their own little chats!  
Aren't you excited? I am! :) I might even add one with Palmer. But we'll see how it goes.**

**Reviews are welcome!**

**I'll try to update soon! **

**Thanks everyone!**

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	4. Chapter 4 Ducky

**Hey guys!**

**Here's the next chapter, sorry about not updating yesterday, it was a little crazy at my house. Anyways,  
I hope you enjoy this. I worked hard !**

**Thank-you for all the wonderful reviews and alerts, it makes me soooo happy to see you guys enjoying the story. **

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**Enjoy !**

Disclaimer: I Don't own NCIS or the charaters. It's on my christmas list though!

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**ONYS POV**

Stepping out of the shower Tony grabbed a towel and wiped the mirror, allowing a clear look at himself. Looking into his eyes he felt sad. He missed the days when he didn't feel like this. He couldn't remember the last time he was truly happy. Taking one last look at himself Tony opened the bathroom door, and was surprised to see Ducky comfortably sitting on his bed.

"What happened to Gibbs?" Tony walked to his dresser.

"Had some stuff to take care of, didn't say a lot. Barely said anything at all actually. Except that you tried to harm yourself." Ducky took at look at him. "Why, Anthony?"

"Because, Ducky, I'm tired."

"Care to elaborate?" Ducky patted the bed beside him.

"No thank you, I really don't feel like explain anything to anyone. It's none of your business anyway." Tony grabbed a shirt and sweatpants and walked into the bathroom.

Knowing that Tony was just trying to ignore everything Ducky pressed again.

"Anthony, I know you're hurting, what I don't know is why, tell me."

"What? I guy can't try to kill himself once and a while?" Tony joked.

"Anthony, that is absurd, even just joking like that is not okay. What you did is serious and it would help a lot, for everyone, if you would just explain why you did it!"

"LOOK, I did it because of multiple things okay? Mostly because I'm all alone. I didn't think anyone would care if I left."

"That is ridiculous Anthony, absolutely ridiculous. We all see you like family! From what I've concluded, Gibbs sees you like a son! Why would you ever think we didn't care?" Ducky looked at him hurt.

"The whole time Gibbs was gone and from the moment he got back people have treated me like crap! All I did was try to help you guys move on, accept that Gibbs was gone and be okay with that! Ziva and McGee have treated me like crap, form the moment Gibbs left till now. Abby would cry for hours a day, so upset that he was gone. And I would comfort her, tell her it was going to be alright, just like I did for you. When you got angry and him for leaving! It was like he came back and all was forgotten. I tried to make sure you guys would be alright when Gibbs left. And I did I pretty good job. But did anyone ever try to make sure I was okay? That I wasn't slowly breaking apart? NO, no one ever cared about me!"

Tony took a breathe. "The only one I could ever talk to was Palmer, he was the only really friend to me."

Ducky just sat there, a horrified look on his face. He couldn't believe how Anthony was feeling. How had he not noticed that he was falling apart. Was he really so wrapped up in himself and his problems that Anthony fooled him into think everything was alright? He felt terrible.

"Oh dear boy, I'm so terribly sorry about how I treated you, I never realized tha-" Ducky was cut off.

"Yea you never realized, no one did, which is why I'm leaving. You guys call yourselves a family but you're all just a bunch of backstabbers to me. "

"ANTHONY." Ducky sounded furious, "Listen, you are like a son to me, having no children you are all I have. I feel terrible about this, but you should know that you can always come talk to me! No matter what time, or where you are, my ears are always there to listen. I want you to understand that. I CARE ABOUT YOU. I would be tremendously upset if you decided that this world wasn't good enough for you! Without you life would be boring, you make ever situation better by bringing humour to it. We may not laugh at every joke you make, but it really does help. I've never thanked you for it before but I am now. THANK YOU. Thank you for being there for all of us, especially when we needed it the most. Thank you Anthony."

Tony just stood there speechless. He really had no idea that he mattered that much to Ducky. Could it be true? Could he really care so much about him that he saw him like family? That didn't seem right. Tony felt like he didn't deserve it. 'Why would Ducky say those things if he didn't mean them you idiot.' He thought to himself.

Walking over to the bed Tony sat down beside Ducky. Lifting his head to look into the mans eyes Tony saw something there he'd never really seen before. It was a look of caring, Ducky actually looked concerned for him.

"Look, Ducky, I… I never knew… Thank you."

Ducky looked surprised. "For what my dear boy? Telling you that I care about you? Letting you know you're not alone? You should never have to say thank you for that. You deserve it. Every last bit of it."

Tony smiled, not a full smile, but one that let Ducky know that he got the message, that people did care about him.

"You're only one person though Ducky, I know you care about me," Ducky could hear the hesitation in his voice. "But there's everyone else, I can't work with them, I can barely be around them now without being upset." Tony looked him in the eyes. "I'm handing in my resignation tomorrow Ducky, I'm leaving NCIS, and there's nothing you can say to change my mind.

Ducky's cellphone rang.

"Mhmm, yes Jethro, yup, huh, okay. yup sure." Tony heard Ducky replying to questions Gibbs was asking.

Hanging up the phone Ducky turned to Tony.

"I might not be able to convince you to stay, but Jethro is coming and if I know anything about him, he will." Ducky smiled.

"Look Ducky, i really don't feel like talking anymore tonight, do you think you could tell Gibbs to wait until tomorrow to have his conversation with me?"

"I will try my dear boy, but i think you should try getting some shut eye, maybe that will convince him to wait." Ducky stood up and made Tony lie down.

"Sure," Tony yawned. "That actually seems like a good idea at the moment."

Ducky pulled the blanket up snug and tight around Tony and turned the lights off. "Have a good sleep Anthony, I'll be right out here, just shout if you need anything."

Pretending to be asleep Tony didn't reply. Soon enough Ducky closed the door and Tony lifted the blankets and got up. Finally being alone he walked towards the bathroom. Without look in the mirror, Tony opened his cabinet and pulled out a container of pain pills from his last injury. Twisting open the cap he took a look at the contents. Pouring a suitable amount of the pills in his hang he went and sat in the bathtub. Before sitting down complete Tony got one more look in the mirror.

The sad eyes looking back were enough motivation to go through with it this time. Taking a deep breathe and letting it out Tony threw the handful of pills in his mouth and swallowed.

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**Thanks for reading ! **

**Hope you liked it, I wrote it and wasn't entirely satisfied with it.**

**I'll try to update as soon as i can ! **

**Reviews welcome !**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update, I've recently gotten the stomach flu so i haven't been feeling 100%  
So if this chapter doesn't live up to your expectations i blame the bug.**

**Any mistakes are mine. I was just to tired to check for everything. Sorry.  
Enjoy! **

**:)**

Disclaimer: I don't Own NCIS or the characters.

**G****ibbs POV**

Mentally preparing himself to see Tony, Gibbs unlocked the apartment door and walked inside. Ducky was lying on the couch, comfortably watching TV.

"Where's Dinozzo?"

"Ah, the boy's sleeping, said he was to tired to wait for you, but you're welcome to check on him yourself." Ducky nodded his head in the direction of the bedroom.

Quietly opening the door to the bedroom, Gibbs peeked inside. Noticing Tony was not where he was supposed to be Gibbs rushed into the room, turning on the lights. Seeing the bathroom door open a crack he walked over and pulled it open. What he saw really surprised him. Tony was lying in the bathtub, his hand hanging over the edge and a bottle of pills spilled over the floor. Rushing over to him Gibbs lifted his fingers to feel for a pulse. Finding a weak one he sighed with relief, but it was short lived because Gibbs noticed that Tony's breathing was getting slower and slower.

"DUCK, GET AN AMBULANCE NOW!"

"Jethro, what's going on?" Ducky walked into the room with the telephone. "Oh, my." He took one look at Tony and the urgency is his voice became noticeable. "We need an ambulance right away, the victim has apparently overdosed on something." Walking away Ducky relayed the rest of the information to dispatch.

Gibbs kept on eye on Tony and grabbed the pill bottle that was on the floor. 'OxyContin" was labelled on the front. Right away Gibbs knew that wasn't a good sign. They've had many cases where the victims have taken the pills and died shortly after taking them.

"DUCKY, WHERE THE HELL IS THE AMBULANCE?" He was getting more and more frustrated.

"Right here Jethro, but you need to move out of the way so they can do their job."

Moving so the paramedics could reach Tony, Gibbs moved into the living room, followed closely by Ducky. They sat there in silence until the paramedics had him on the stretcher ready to go.

"He's going to need his stomach pumped, until then we're not going to be able to do much more." The EMT looked at Gibbs. "You're welcome to ride with us, but we need to go now."

Gibbs looked at Ducky. "We'll talk after, I'm going to go with them, could you let everyone else know what's going on?"

"Of course," Ducky glanced at Gibbs. "Go, they're not going to wait for you."

With that Gibbs ran out the door, following his SFA.

**Ducky's POV**

He'd made a terrible mistake, how could he think that just because he apologized that everything was going to be okay? Just because you say it doesn't mean that they're going to understand how you truly feel and Ducky couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that earlier. What was he thinking?

Letting a suicidal person stay in a room by themselves. Now he was just disappointed with himself. Jethro had the right to be mad at him. Gibbs put his trust into thinking that he could handle everything, and look at what he did. He surely had to apologize to everyone once Anthony got better, if he even does. Ducky reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He had some important phone calls to make.

**Gibbs POV**

He hated waiting. But that was all he seemed to be doing these days, waiting for people. It had been 2 hours since he had walked into the hospital, which really wasn't that bad, compared to other visits here, but he still hated it. He was glad that his team was here though, once Ducky had called everyone they showed up quickly. Abby was sitting next to McGee, who had his armed wrapped around her shoulders, Ziva was sitting by herself, quietly reading, and Ducky was also sitting by himself, but instead of reading he had his head down. Obviously thinking about what he had done. Gibbs walked over to him, glancing down he took a seat beside his friend.

"Look, I know you feel bad enough as it is, so I'm not going to talk a lot, but I want you to know that I don't blame you. Dinozzo did this to himself, but we all pushed him over the edge. He just needs to know that we're there for him. That we care about him, and that none of us will ever leave him."

Ducky glance up at Gibbs. "I don't think that will be enough Jethro, sometimes an apology isn't sufficient."

Gibbs opened his mouth to say something, but at that exact moment a doctor walked out."Special Agent Gibbs?" The doctor looked around.

Gibbs stood up and walked over to the man. "How is he?"

"He's stable, we managed it get the drugs out of his system and we've determined that there isn't any long term damage. He may have a sore stomach for a few days, but that's to be expected. He's lucky though, any longer and he might not have made it."

Gibbs looked at his team and then back at the doctor. "Can we visit him?"

"One person at a time, we don't want to overwhelm him."

Ziva walked up to Gibbs. 'Let me go, please? I need to speak with him, and I think now would be a good time."

Gibbs looked at Ziva, to anyone else she might how looked just fine, but to him he could see the pain in her eyes. "Okay, Ziver, you get tonight to talk to him, I'll be here in the morning to take over, I want you to talk to him. Figure out what's going on inside his head. Think you can do that?"

"Yes, I can." With a final nod to Gibbs, Ziva followed the doctor, past the doors into the room the was currently holding Tony Dinozzo.

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**Thanks for reading !  
Hope you enjoyed it. Up next : Ziva finally gets to talk to Tony.**

**This wasn't my favorite chapter, i really wasn't satisfied with this one either.**

**Reviews are welcome !**

**I'll try to update soon!**

**:)**


	6. Chapter 6 Ziva

**Hello again! sorry about the delay. Real life has just been crazy. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, i had fun writing it :)**

**A very special thanks to GuiltyPleasuresAndDeadlySins for betaing this chapter. **

**I hope you like it!**

**:)**

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Disclaimer : I don't own NCIS or any of the characters :(

Ziva walked into the hospital room where her friend currently resided. Taking a deep breathe, she turned her head to face Tony. The sight made her heart ache. He was just lying there, with his eyes closed. But Ziva had never seen him so lifeless. His usually tan physique was replaced with a pale, almost ghost like quality. With all the medical machines surrounding him, the funny atmosphere Tony had was gone. Walking over to the only chair in the room Ziva sat down. She watched Tony sleep, Ziva could tell he wasn't peaceful, even with his eyes it was obvious he was sad.

She really didn't understand Tony, how could he try to kill himself? Did he not know that they cared for him? When Ziva thought back, she could started to remember the subtle hints Tony had been making that he was not alright. Not making as many jokes, the smiles not reaching his eyes. She hadn't thought much about them in that moment, but now that thoughts were putting her on the verge of tears. She could remember every single time Tony had gone out of his way to make them feel better when they were upset. Offering them advice and personally visiting them at their houses to make them feel better. But not once could she remember when the team had thought about Tony, actually checking to make sure that he was alright. Had they really been so careless? Suddenly she couldn't control the tears anymore, first it was just a few, but now sitting in that chair watching Tony it became a waterfall. How could this situation have gotten so far out of hand? Why would Tony not just come and talk to her? Why, did they never once, check to make sure that Tony was alright? But why over everything that had happened, would Tony try to kill himself?

Hours must have passed with her lost in thought because the next thing she knew, she was looking into the green eyes of Tony. But what she saw didn't make her feel any better. His eyes were full of pain, what were once filled with happiness were now filled with sorrow. Ziva wiped her eyes, embarrassed that Tony had to see her like this.

"Tony…." Ziva trailed off. All she got was a look of anger.

Having received that look, Ziva got mad. She suddenly though about how she and the team had almost lost him. That made Ziva lose control.

"How could you be so selfish Tony? Killing yourself! What absurd thought gave you that idea? Do you know what you have done to us? I cannot believe you!"

"Selfish? Are you kidding me? All you guys have been is selfish! Have you ever thought that maybe it isn't just about you? That maybe_I_needed someone to care?" Tony took a breath. "Wait, let me answer that for you,NO. You never even cared to look deep enough!" Tony was just getting more and more frustrated. "I was a good team leader and all you guys ever cared about was the fact that I wasn't Gibbs, NEWSFLASH! I KNEW THAT! I didn't need the constant reminders that I wasn't good enough."

Surprised with his sudden outburst, Ziva sat there in stunned silence. She realised that she had said some things, but she never noticed how badly they had hurt him. She couldn't believe that McGee and her had been that awful.

"Tony, I had no idea, but you could have said something! Instead of holding it all in, you should have told us!" Ziva looked at him. "I would have listened Tony, trying to killing yourself was a stupid idea."

"Go away," was the reply she got.

"NO, I refuse to let you get off so easily," Ziva crossed her legs. "I am definitely not leaving."

"Well, then. WHAT do you want from me?" Tony's eyes flashed with anger.

"An apology."

"A WHAT? Are you kidding me! You want ME to apologize to YOU?" Tony sat up.

"Yes." Ziva stated.

"FOR WHAT! Getting upset that you guys didn't give a damn about me!" Tony yelled. "Sorry sweetheart, not going to happen."

"For trying to KILL yourself Tony! How could you possible think that we would not care!" Ziva shouted back.

"You should be apologizing, you put me through hell, for 4 months, just because I was boss! McGee questioned every order I gave him, acting like he was better then me. You, you barely trusted me, not only did you question every order I gave you, but you disobeyed a lot of them too! How can I work with you guys when I know that you don't want to follow orders! It could have gotten us killed! But yet everyday, I just sat there, letting you guys bombard me with insults, which I didn't deserve." Tony lowered his voice. "I mean it when I say I can't work with you anymore."

Ziva was stunned once again, did he really just say what she think he did? That he can't work with her anymore? Ziva was totally floored.

"Tony!" Ziva shouted. "This is absurd! Do you really think Gibbs will let you go?"

"It's not really up to him is it? Do you think I would let Gibbs stop me? He has no power over me anymore. Not since he left." Tony looked Ziva in the eye. "As soon as I'm out of here, I'm gone. Nothing you say is going to make me think twice."

"Tony." Ziva said quietly. "Please, think about it…. please."

"No." Tony said even quieter.

"I am sorry, Tony, I am sorry for every hurtful word I said, I am sorry that I never asked you if you were okay, and I am sorry that it took for you to almost kill yourself for me to realize what a mistake I have made."

Tony turned his head towards Ziva. "Just because you say you're sorry, doesn't make everything alright." His voice icy. "I think you need to leave."

"I told you already. I am not leaving." Ziva sat lower in the chair.

"Well, that's to bad isn't it? Because from what I can see, this is my hospital room, and if anyone I don't want in here, is, I can tell the nurse to call security."

Ziva stared. "You would not…."

"Watch me." Tony said as me pressed the nurses button.

"Yes, Mr. Dinozzo?" The nurse answered.

"Can you call security, there's someone in the room that I would like escorted out." His smile was icy.

"Right away." The nurse told him.

"Tony…" Ziva was speechless.

As the security guards escorted Ziva out of Tony's room, he offered a final, sarcastic comment.

"Sorry nothing worked out the way you wanted it to."

With those words, Ziva realized that this was much worse than she had originally thought_._

**

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**

**There you go! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. **

**Reviews are welcome.**

**I'll update as soon as possible ! **

**:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait. I didn't plan to wait so long to write the next chapter, but after the stomach flu, i had managed to get a sinus infection and my mom had refused to take me to the doctor until the infection was full force. Not only that but i made the school basktetball team, which pratices 4 days a week, plus i have soccer and the fact that finals are like 2 weeks away has made everything crazy. But i have my antibotics and it's winter break, so now you get a new chapter :)**

**Sorry guys i know it's short, but i promise to update quickly. And i mean it this time, **

**i hope you enjoy ! Any mistakes you see are mine. I apologize in advance.**

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS but i asked Santa and he said that maybe, if i'm good enough, i'll get it. :P

* * *

**Tony**

Tony was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. His body was sore and he was feeling increasingly restless. He absolutely hated hospitals, why would anyone want to be here? The smell of antiseptic was overpowering and it just seemed like death lingered in the air. The visit with Ziva left Tony angry. How could she have the nerve to ask him to apologize? The moment she had left, Tony had instantly felt better, until he realized that he was truly alone now. His biological family despised him and now he had been betrayed by the only people he cared about. It hurt , and the pain multiplied the more he thought about it.

Tony got increasingly anxious as time when by, he hated being alone and now that's all he was. He knew he couldn't stay in Washington, not with everything that's happened, he didn't want to leave, but Tony knew he really didn't have a choice. He couldn't work with them now, hell, he could barely be in the same room as them without getting angry.

Gibbs walked into his room shortly after 1000. Tony pretending to be asleep hoped that he would just go away.

"Tony, I know you're awake."

He opened his eyes and looked at Gibbs. Tony had never seen him look like this before, the fearless Leroy Jethro Gibbs looked scared. His hair was dirty and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"You look horrible." Tony sneered.

"Well I would assume so, considering I've been worrying about you for days now." Gibbs replied.

"Like you even cared." Tony said.

"Are you blind Dinozzo?" Gibbs stared. "All I've heard the past few days is Ducky telling me to go home, because he knows that all I do is worry about you."

"Well, that's to bad, because I've already made my decision and I'm not staying here."

"Why? Explain to me why you can't stay?" Gibbs questioned.

"I've told you already! Maybe if you actually listened and paid attention to someone other then yourself then you would know!"

"Tony, listen to me," Gibbs said steely. "You know I'm not good at voicing my emotions, or anything for that matter, but I care about you, you should know that."

"But I don't! you just got up and left for Mexico like we didn't matter! Like I didn't matter! You didn't even have to say anything to me, to let me know that you noticed! A look a nod anything to know that you actually saw what was going on!" Tony took a breathe. "I wouldn't even needed to talk to you, I could've went to Abby.

"You know that at one point it got so bad that I thought about going to talk to McGee! Even when he treated me like dirt!" Tony glanced at Gibbs, his eyes like ice.

"Tony…"Gibbs just stared, not knowing what to say.

"You need to leave. NOW." Tony looked up, a threat evident in his eyes.

"Alright, but I'll be back Tony, we aren't done talking."

**McGee**

To say McGee was nervous would be an understatement, the butterflies in his stomach multiplied just because he walked into the hospital. He had already talked to Ziva, and after hearing what Tony had said and done to her was making him shake. He wasn't scared of Tony, well, not the Tony he thought he knew, but this new person that was currently residing in Tony's skin was frightening. Tim walked into the elevator, pressing the button McGee got lost in his thoughts. He had loved being Tony's senior field agent, his second in command. But McGee didn't necessarily believe that every choice Tony made was the right one. And the fact that he had been acting a lot like Gibbs had really gotten under his nervous. But had he really been that awful? He knew that disobeying orders was not something he should have done, but he really felt like what he was doing was a better decision than Tony had made. Walking done the hallway he stopped in front of Tony's door, taking a deep breathe to steady himself, McGee stepped inside.

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**Well i hope you enjoyed the very short chapter, and that i didn't make to many mistakes. **

**I'll update soon ! Hopefully before the 25th, but if i don't,**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS ! :)**


	8. Chapter 8 McGoo

**Hey! Well heres a new chapter, just like i promised !  
I know it's short, but that's because this is an important chapter.  
Enjoy! oh, and any mistakes you see are mine, i didn't have time to proof-read because I'm heading to soccer like right now so I'm sorry :)**

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters, i wish i did :(

* * *

McGee stepped into he hospital room expecting the worst, what he got was much more intense. Tony was lying in his bed facing away from the door, he appeared to be sleeping but McGee knew he wasn't. He body language told McGee that this was not going to be enjoyable.

"Hey Tony." McGee moved closer to the bed.

"Did Gibbs send you?" Tony's anger was evident in his voice.

"No, well yea, but I wanted to come anyways."

"Well I don't want to talk to you," Tony turned around. "So you need to leave."

"Tony come on, let me at least know why you're so mad."

"Are you serious? I am so tired of having to explain this to everyone, are you guys so stupid that you can't figure out what you did? Try using that brain of yours McGee, maybe it will be usefully." Tony's voice dripped with ice.

"Tony, the things I did when Gibbs was gone were mistakes. I never treated you as bad as you seem to think I did." McGee tried to save himself.

"Are you kidding me McGee? Really? Cause I have a list of things if you want to hear them." Tony shouted.

"Well let me hear them!" McGee shouted back.

"You never obeyed an order I gave you, and if you did you did it with such an attitude, like everything I told you to do was the wrong choice, disobeying orders like that will get someone killed McGee and it makes my job a hundred times more complicated then it has to be." Tony took a breathe. " Not only that but you started to think just because you were the senior field agent you were better than me, did you forget that I was in that position at one point? Or that I was you're BOSS?"

"Tony… I never thou-" McGee was cut off.

"Yes you did McGee, I noticed that, I'm smarter than you think I am." Tony's stated coldly.

"Tony…" McGee was at a loss for words.

"What now you have nothing to say?" Tony looked at McGee

"Did you have to try and kill yourself Tony? How was that going to solve anything? You could have come and talked to me."

"No I couldn't have McGee, before my attempted suicide, you wouldn't have cared at all about my feelings, I would have tried to talk to you and you would have blew me off."

"Tony, you really think that?" McGee was surprised.

"Of course I do! Have you been listening at all to what I've been saying? You need to leave McGee, and don't bother coming back. I'm done talking to you, for the rest of my life. Leave NOW."

"Tony…"

"GO!"

McGee walked out of the room upset, he couldn't believe that Tony really felt that way. He should have known that he could have come and talked to him if he was really upset. The more McGee thought about what Tony said the more he realised that Tony was right, he had been acting really selfish lately. The thing that hurt the most for McGee was knowing that Tony would have done anything for him, hell, he had even come over to his apartment after he accidentally shot the cop, just to make sure he was okay. McGee knew that if they didn't try and do something right away, everyone was going to lose Tony, forever.

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**Well? What did you think? Review ! Let me know!**

**I'm probably not going to be able to update before Christmas, so Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.**

**Now... I have a problem, How do you think i should end the story? Tony leaving or Tony staying? I haven't completely decided yet, and some input from you  
guys would be great!**

**Until next time :)**


	9. Chapter 9 Abby

**Hey guys ! I'm so sorry about the delay in getting the chapter out ! Lifes just been crazy the past month and a half and i haven't had much time to myself. **

**But here it is, i hope you enjoy !**

**Any mistakes are mine, I'm just about to head out to basketball so i haven't had time to edit everything!  
(And if any characters are OOC i apologize!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any of the characters.

* * *

Tony unlocked him apartment door, walked in a collapsed on his couch. He was exhausted, the effort it took it make it up to his apartment was enough to put him to sleep. But his mind would not shut off. Tony kept thinking about everything that had happened the past week, and how much everything had gone down hill. He knew that the team was worried, but he couldn't care less. They deserved every little bit of the pain they were going through. After all, he had to go thought it almost everyday for years now.

Tony was tired of thinking like this too, he hated feeling bad for himself. A pity party was not his cup of tea, and he wasn't used to letting himself feel like this for so long. Dragging himself off the couch, Tony walked over to his bathroom and started a shower, hoping that the hot water would relax him, and make him feel a little better.

* * *

Abby was excited, not because Tony was finally out of he hospital, because him being in the hospital was totally not okay, but she was happy because she knew she could get through to Tony. She'd known him almost longer then anyone at NCIS, and she was sure she knew more about him then anyone. So how hard could this be? McGee and Ziva had warned her, telling her that Tony had gone to a place that they could never get him back, but that sounded ridiculous. How could Tony, the loveable, rock-solid guy she knew be that cold and withdrawn? After knocking on Tony's door multiple times and receiving no answer Abby twisted the knob to discover it unlocked. She walked in and set her bag down on the counter, hearing the showering running Abby assumed that Tony was in his bathroom, so she set her plan into motion. Grabbing the movies out of her bag and calling that pizza place, Abby had everything set in motion for the fantastic movie night they were going to have. First movie on the line-up? The fugitive, a film that would surely put Tony in a better mood. Abby heard the shower shut off and ran to sit on the couch. Making it just in time, as the door opened and Tony walked out.

"Hi Tony!" Abby popped up smiling.

Tony's face froze. "Abby, what are you doing here?"

"I came to cheer you up silly!"

Tony walked over to the couch, but didn't sit down. "I thought I told you guys to stay away from me."

Abby's face dropped. "Tony… Come on… You know we love you."

"No Abby, you come on, I want you to leave now."

"Tony, I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Abby planted her butt into the couch.

"What's there to talk about? I sick of explaining myself to everyone! Do you honestly not know why I'm upset?"

Abby sat in silence.

"Seriously? No idea? Maybe that's why I'm mad at you! You and everyone else! No one cared to look close enough, to see that the mask I was hiding behind was fake! Do you really think I'm that shallow?" Tony took a breathe.

"To-"Abby tried to get a word in.

"NO don't start! Do you know how hard it was walking into work everyday, putting on that fake smile so know one would know? It was worse when Gibbs left, not only did I have to hide my own feelings, but I had to make sure everyone else was okay. No one even cared to ask me, Tony are you okay? Why would they though right? Cause I'm the playboy clown, who has no really feelings and is an insensitive jerk right?" Tony stopped, the anger becoming overwhelming. "Abby, you need to leave, NOW."

"Tony… I'm… I'm…" Abby was unable to form a sentence.

"NOW." Tony stared at Abby with angry evident in his eyes.

Grabbing her stuff Abby walked to the door in silence, opening it she said one last thing to Tony.

"Don't think that I'm going to let you feel like this forever, we'll figure something out, and I promise we'll make it up to you, and Tony? I'm Sorry, for everything." Abby shut the door behind her. Leaving an angry and confused Tony in her wake.

Tony was furious, the showered had helped, but as soon as he had walked out the bathroom door he knew it was no use. Seeing Abby sitting on his couch, looking confused as to why he was mad to see her only added fuel to the fire. He knew he couldn't stay here. Not the way things were turning out, if he wanted to be happy he knew he had to leave.

Picking up the phone Tony dialled a number he never forgot.

"Hey, Mason, you still got that spot open in San Diego?" Tony sighed. "Good, cause I think you just found yourself a new partner.

* * *

It was early and Jimmy Palmer was pulling into Tony's apartment parking complex. After talking to Abby yesterday and hearing how upset she sounded, he knew it was time to go visit his friend. Locking his car and walking to the elevator, Palmer had different conversations running through his head, McGee and Ziva telling him what had happened. Gibbs repeating what Tony had said to him, all this combined with Abby's adventure last night was telling Palmer this wasn't going to be easy. But he knew that he wouldn't leave until he had the chance to have a real conversation with Tony.

Opening Tony's apartment door, Palmer stepped inside. He didn't see Tony and couldn't hear anything coming from his bedroom either. Knocking on Tony's bedroom door, Palmer received no answer and slowly opened the door. What he saw when he opened the door greatly surprised him. Quickly grabbing his phone Palmer dialled the only number he could think in this situation.

"Gibbs? It's Palmer, you need to get over to Tony's apartment, NOW."

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**BAM! Did you see that coming? Probably .. :P**

**BTW, thanks for everyones input on how the story should end, I've made up my mind :) But i'm not going to tell you, and  
before you decide you don't like the story anyone because Tony's left, well, THINK AGAIN. LOL. Looks, or in this case  
words can be deceiving. What does that mean? Guess you'll just have to wait and see :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreaciated! **

**I'll try to have the next chapter up before Monday.**

**Thanks for reading ! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Here is the chapter i promised, i know it's short, but the final chapter should be up rather shortly as well.  
It might be different compared to earlier in the story, i feel like my writing style has changed, but i hope for the best.  
Please let me know how you feel ! What you liked and disliked so i can make adjustments in the next story !**

**(Might be a little OOC, I apologize.)**

**Any mistakes are mine, let me know if you see any. (No Beta Reader)**

**Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the characters involved._

Gibbs rushed to Tony's apartment, he had no idea what to expect, but the way Palmer sounded over the phone it couldn't be good. Running down the hallway towards the apartment, Gibbs noticed the door was slightly ajar. Moving cautiously he stepped inside. All he saw was Palmer sitting on the couch, everything was gone from the apartment except for the big furniture. That made him worry.

"Palmer," Gibbs rushed towards him, "Where's Tony?"

"Where do you think Gibbs? He told you he was leaving," Palmer turned to face Gibbs. "Obviously he meant it." "This quickly? Tony never makes a quick decision."

"Well I guess that's changed since you left, you know, with him having to become boss and all." Palmer stepped towards the door. "Tony didn't deserve what you and your team did to him, disrespecting him like it meant nothing, you guys did this to yourselves." Gibbs stood silently, surprised by Palmer's sudden outburst."What? Now you have nothing to say? I can see why Tony left, you and your team didn't deserve him." With the final word Palmer stormed out of the apartment.

Speechless, Gibbs stood still, not knowing how to handle the situation. Picking up his phone he quickly tried to call Tony."Hello, you've reached the voicemail of very special agent Anthony Dinozzo, obviously I'm to busy to answer your call, but leave you're name and number, and I might just call you back." Left with nothing but the beep, Gibbs left a quick message about having Tony call him back when he heard it. Knowing that he had to find Tony before he left for good, he called the next person he knew that could help him.

"Abby, I need you to try and trace Tony's last known location.""Why? What's going on Gibbs?" But all Abby heard was the dial tone. *************************************************************************************

Tony stood in line with the rest of the passengers boarding the Boeing 787 heading for San Diego. Ticket in hand, and a book to keep him occupied he was ready to make a life changing flight. Hesitating slightly Tony started to realize what he was leaving. _Family._ He knew that Gibbs' team was the only family he had, why would he leave everything behind. He tried to imagine life without them, but couldn't. "_Maybe I shouldn't leave…"_ as soon as the thought entered his head it was replaced by another one. _"Gibbs left you, and the rest of the team treated you like dirt, what are you thinking?"_ The slight hesitation was gone as quickly as it appeared. He knew why he was leaving, and that it need to be done. Handing his ticket over to the flight-attendant to be checked in, Tony relaxed, knowing that in the next few hours he was going to be in San Diego, free from everything in Washington.

* * *

Gibbs rushed into the squad room, seeing almost his whole team there. _Tony. _Gibbs stood there and looked at all of them. McGee, Ziva, Abby, Ducky, and even Palmer was there.

"Tony's gone."

McGee and Ziva replied at the same time. "WHAT?"

"Yea, apparently nothing we said as going to change his mind." Gibbs sat down at his desk."I tried looking from him Gibbs, but I couldn't find anything." Tears brimmed around Abby's eyes.

"He is a trained investigator, he knows how to find people, if he does not want us to find him, we will not." Ziva replied quietly.

"Why would he just leave?" McGee looked defeated, "Didn't he know we were trying to fix things?"

Ziva turned to him, "That is just it McGee, we waited to long, if we had only realized sooner."

"We shouldn't have treated him like that in the first place, we're all guilty." Gibbs sighed.

"I actually treated him like a FRIEND, I was there for him when you guys weren't, so no Gibbs, well your team was not there for him, I was." Palmer stood up. "It's sickening how you guys didn't even realize how you were treating him, but never once did he complain, he just absorbed it, and now he's had enough."

"Maybe we should leave him be Jethro, he might be happier that way." Ducky spoke up.

"I can't Duck, I can't just leave it like this."

Nobody knew how to reply, silence hung in the air.

Suddenly, Gibbs slammed his hand down on the desk. "I've got to go."

"Where?" Everyone asked in unison.

"To find my senior field agent."


	11. Chapter 11 Finale

**I suppose I could have just added this onto the end of Chapter ten, but truth be told I had no idea how i was going to write this chapter,  
writing a whole dialogue chapter was not easy and i don't know if I'm entirely happy with it, but here it is.  
I hope you enjoyed this story, i sure did enjoy writing it.  
If you don't like the way this story ends, don't worry ! There will be a sequel.  
Please let me know your thoughts ! What did you like or not like about this story or the way it was written?  
Thanks for sticking with it through everything :)**

**Enjoy!**

**(Any mistakes are mine, Sorry!)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the characters. _

Gibbs rushed to his car, reaching the quiet safety inside, Gibbs pulled out his cell phone.

"Mason."

"Detective Mason, it's Special Agent Gibbs."

"Heeey, how have you been agent Gibbs?"

"Fine, up until a couple hours ago when I realized my senior field agent had just disappeared without telling anyone."

"Dinozzo, yea he usually does stuff like that."

"You wouldn't happen to know where he is would you?"

"Why would you think that agent Gibbs?"

"Because I know Tony, and I know that he always wanted to join you out in San Diego before he joined NCIS."

"He said that? Well I'm honoured, he would be one hell of a partner."

"I know, that's why I want him back." Gibbs sighed. "Now cut the crap, tell me where he is."

"Patience agent Gibbs, I thought we were having a pretty good conversation." Laughter poured threw the phone. "Never could take a joke, could you?""Mason."

"Fine, fine, last I heard, he was boarding his plane on the way out here.""So he is going to San Diego?"

"Yup, said something about sun, sand, and pretty girls."

"When are you supposed to meet him?" Gibbs was getting increasingly frustrated.

"Right about no-" The sound of a door opening was heard threw the phone.

"Heeeey, Dinozzo, how ya been?" Gibbs froze.

"_Mason, good to see you, I've been okay."_

There was a pause in the conversation on the other end of the phone.

"_I'm sorry, was I interrupting?"_

"I was just talking to your old boss actually." Mason laughed.

"I still am his boss." Gibbs said stubbornly.

"Hey, He- What are you doi-" Mason was cut off.

"Gibbs."

Gibbs froze.

"Tony,"

"Don't bother," The iciness in Tony's tone was evident. "I'm not coming back, as far as I'm concerned Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you were never part of my life, not after you left anyways. So leave me alone, find someone else to be your senior field agent, maybe McGee, since he thought he was **so **much better at it than I was, right?"

"Tony." Gibbs tried to get him to listen.

"Leave me alone. I'm done with NCIS."

"TO-" Gibbs was cut off with a dial tone.

Special Agent Gibbs had officially lost his Senior Field Agent, _his son_ ,Tony was never going to come back.

Very Special Agent Tony Dinozzo was _**gone**__._


End file.
